Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
