the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
