You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
