I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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