He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
