she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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