U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
