Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
