It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
