he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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