i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
