So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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