evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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