do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
