your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
