Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
