i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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