She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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