i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
