Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
