All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
