The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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