That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
