yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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