That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
