Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
