I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
