Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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