Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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