Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
