He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
