So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
