How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
