currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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