I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
