i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
