I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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