Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
