i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
