you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
