thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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