RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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