I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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