The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
