Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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