I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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