My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
