Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
