are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm eating all of the evidence.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
