Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
