I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
