no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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