apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
